Today, given the increased state of uncertainty and anxiety in our world, I’d like to talk with you about how I manage my mental landscape. Perhaps, what I say will provide a distinction or two to help you manage your own mental state during these trying times.
A number of years ago, a company hired me to conduct a day-long seminar. Just as I started to introduce myself to the audience, a participant on the back row stood and shouted, “What are your credentials? Why should I listen to you?” An embarrassed hush swept over the audience as they all looked straight at me. My first impulse was to laugh—those of you who know me well, know I love to laugh. For some reason, I caught myself and looked past how the question had been asked, and considered the substance. What this man was really saying was, “I’m going to invest a day of my life in this seminar. What can I expect to get out of it? Do you really know what you’re talking about?” (I later discovered that this group had previously endured a poorly delivered seminar by another presenter.)
So, what are my credentials? What qualifies me to talk about managing one’s mental state. First off, I have no formal training as a mental health professional—I’m not a therapist. Therefore, my credentials, if I have any, are experiential in nature. Let me explain.
When I was a young man, I developed a lot of fears regarding this world—and things in it. I also doubted myself and my ability to live a happy and productive life. This led to severe sadness and anxiety. When I finally visited the Dr., he told me I was suffering from two maladies: Clinical Depression and OCD. He then said, “People who have what you have can end up in asylums.” Well, one thing I knew for sure. I didn’t want to end up in one of those. I was given a prescription and referred to a therapist for counseling. Unfortunately, neither of those interventions worked out for me. The medication I was given was not at all effective. I tried two therapists, and I just didn’t relate to either one. As a result, I became very discouraged.
(At this point, it’s important to note, that my experiences with both medication and therapy were probably atypical—even decades ago. Today, there are numerous medications that have proven effective in treating depression and anxiety disorders. And, obviously, there are many highly effective therapists.)
Back to my story. One night, when I was feeling particularly low, I started thinking. “I’m obviously not the first person ever to have dealt with such mental challenges. That being the case, maybe someone who has dealt with these issues, or some therapist who has worked with people dealing with such issues, has found a way to successfully address them. And maybe they have written about it.”
I had always enjoyed learning, and I was an avid reader, so I fell back on my love of learning to search for a way to deal with my mental challenges. I read a great number of books dealing with psychology, cognition, and positive thinking. I took detailed notes in the journal I was keeping at the time, so that I could identify potentially useful distinctions and tools. Eventually, I discovered that many of the books talked about the same principles and strategies.
I’d like to share two of the many important distinctions I gleaned from my studies that helped me conquer both clinical depression and OCD—and virtually transform my life.
Distinction #1:
I discovered how dangerous chronic stress can be. I learned that chronic stress produces changes in brain chemistry that can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression. I also learned that chronic anxiety can lead to the development of anxiety disorders such as OCD and PTSD. I read that all people have a breaking point—the point where “one more straw breaks the camel’s back” so to speak. And, although most people think they know how much stress they can take, the truth is they really don’t…
I knew that I had been stressed out for a very long time. So, it became crystal clear to me that I had to attack my challenges at their core—job one would be finding ways to reduce my level of chronic stress!
Distinction #2
I learned that human beings can change in three ways. We can change what we think. We can change how we feel. And we can change what we do. And here’s the incredible truth I discovered: When we make a change in any one of the three areas, those changes affect the other two areas as well!
For example:
· When we think a thought, feelings can follow. Those thoughts and feelings can then influence our behaviors.
· Feelings can result from witnessing an act of kindness. Those feelings can lead to new thoughts and new behaviors.
· When we perform an action, it can lead to new thoughts and feelings.
I discovered that, for me, my actions were the easiest things to control. Next were my thoughts. Feelings were the hardest. So, I decided that in order to heal, I would focus on changing my actions and trust that my thoughts and feelings would eventually change as well. Whenever I started feeling depressed or anxious, I would do something—anything. I started to passionately pursued my many interests and hobbies. I learned that sitting around doing nothing was a sure-fire prescription for depression and OCD thought patterns. My mantra, which I wrote in my journal, became: “Action is the antidote for despair.” The more purposeful action I took, the more positive and productive my thinking became—and I began to feel better. Slowly, but surely, I started to heal and, eventually, my life was completely transformed!
Now, all societies have taboos. Unfortunately, one of the taboos in our modern society is talking openly about mental health problems. You can tell people about your diabetes, your thyroid problem, your cancer, etc.—and you’ll likely get some sympathy. But God help you if you tell them about your mental problem. They’ll look at you like you’re defective. That is so sad, because mental problems, I discovered, are about as common as the common cold. If we talked openly about them, and shared ideas about how to deal with them, people would no longer feel like the Lone Ranger. Instead, they’d feel empowered to improve.
I have spent the past 30 years working as a professional speaker, workshop facilitator, and personal coach. Against the advice of many who preached the importance of creating a larger-than-life persona for promotional purposes, I made a conscious decision, early on, to be real with my audiences. I regularly tell participants about my early struggles with depression and OCD. I tell them that I know what it feels like to be at the bottom of a “black hole” and to believe that you will never smile again—let alone be happy. And then I share with them the incredibly good news—that they can heal—by changing their actions, their thoughts, and their feelings—just like I did! I tell them that I am no more special than any other human being, so, if I can do it, so can they!
It is important that I add this final point. Maintaining good mental health is a process—not an event. Just like bathing and brushing your teeth, it is a daily discipline. It’s important to fill our lives with meaningful activity, and to fill our minds with compelling and uplifting thoughts. Doing so will affect our feelings and allow our spirits to soar. I hope that what I have shared today will be helpful as you deal with the stress you may currently be experiencing. And always remember: Life is good—very good!